Words on Crutches

Have you ever done something and felt that that’s your true calling in life?

I have, and—yeah, you can roll your eyes now—it’s writing. It always feels like I can do that for the rest of my life and not grow tired or sick of it. The fact that it’s kind of therapeutic for me is just a bonus.

But, life doesn’t always work out for these callings that we feel we have. Writing can’t support me financially, so I have to look for a job that will. I’m not doing that right now though. I’m currently living off my parents, but I deserve that for all those unpleasant years. I’m studying computers right now, and I’m still trying to decide which way to go: Computer Science or IT. I enjoy computers enough to forget about writing for a while. I just hope that finding a job after graduation will be as easy as studying it. That’s still too far ahead, though, four more semesters if I get things right.

Meanwhile, I can indulge in this “true calling” that I found.

Almost a year ago, I joined The Hub community and, months after that, became a Resident Author.

I remember that, when I joined the community, that was in the middle of a conflict with Gay Authors, of which I had no idea about since I’m really not your gossip-controversy-interested kind of guy. I soon learned about it though from a post one of GA’s administrator made, and I admit, I became cautious after that. I was watching what I said and what I did at The Hub and GA both, but of course, I have always been that way. That time, I just upped my level of self-control. I don’t really like having problems with people even though I don’t see them physically.

Now, I realize that I’ve wasted a lot by that cautiousness I imposed on myself. Under the circumstances, though, I like to think that it was understandable. I wanted to belong, just like everyone else. I wanted to find a place where I would feel comfortable. So I was careful with my actions. I guess, I didn’t want to be kicked out before I even find out if that place is where I belong.

That time, I have already found a place for my stories—AwesomeDude, which is where I always wanted my stories to be; it’s like being with the elite. The forums were okay. In fact, I found myself in wonder because the discussions were mostly intellectual with just a bit of silliness to balance everything. I was amazed at the strong minds that I found there. But, I guess, it just wasn’t for me. My stories are there, and that made me very happy. But I didn’t feel at home at the community, though I really, really love the guys there, everyone of them even Caylor, who have been banned for some time now. It became more like a club for me that I love to spend a part of my day in.

So I continued my search for the place where I will belong.

And I found it at The Hub.

I suppose some would wonder why not at GA. The reception FABH found there was actually good, to the point that I was blushing to my bones. GA really is a lot of fun, but it just didn’t “click” with me. I mean no offense, but I just felt there to be a bit of vanity there. Maybe not entirely, but a bit. It just wasn’t what I expected it to be. Though there are members there that I admire a lot for their personality, like Kevin (AFriendlyFace), Greg (Myk), Graeme, and Connor. I’m not saying I don’t have faults of my own, and I may have pissed some members off but if I have, it was never intentional.

But what convinced me that the place for me is really The Hub was Rob. No, it wasn’t because he offered me a Resident Authorship. I would have gladly continued publishing my stories at the site’s Vault. I mean, my stories were already at AD. I was already there at The Hub, in a sense. I already considered myself a part of The Hub. But what sealed the deal for me was when I found out that Rob was shielding the site from the tension that had been going on beneath the surface. For someone to have done that all those time, just wow. And all those time, I never thought that there was still something going on. I only found out about it when he made a statement about it because of a blog entry and one of the replies there.

I guess, that’s what you could call a climax. And I’m glad that that happened because things settled down after that. At least I hope it did. I don’t have any knowledge of any unpleasantries between both sites since then, and I hope that there wasn’t any.

After that, I didn’t only just consider myself a part of The Hub. I know I was a part of it. I know I want to be there.

But now The Hub is closing. I felt heartbroken at first. But I can’t imagine how Rob must have felt, must be feeling.

He is building a new site now, of which, I want to be a part of. I was scared at first that it won’t be like The Hub, because I loved the atmosphere there. But in the end, I realized that it’s the people that makes a community, and as long as they’re there, no matter what we call our community, everything’s gonna be alright.

I guess, right now, I just need to have something to be happy about. Too much has gone on for me, between the internet and my personal life. I never thought that both would take a turn for the worse at the same time. I needed to create something, to make myself proud. I needed to do something new.

So I assigned myself a project: website building.

I know a bit about HTML. I think my imagination is enough to make me a decent-looking site. Plus, back in highschool, I had fun putting codes together (but that was Turbo Basic—sheesh).

I’ve been hosted at the Author’s Keep for a year now, but I’ve only just noticed the Hosted Sites section. So I asked the admin about it.

It was a go.

Of course, all would be for naught if I didn’t do that something new I was talking about. That something new was actually publishing the stuff that I had written in the Tagalog language. Again, I asked the admin, and I was told there would be no problem.

I, at first, wanted there to be an English translation of my Tagalog stuff. The admin at Codey’s World even encouraged me to do so. But I found it hard to translate my poetry to English and still evoke the same emotions. So, I guess, I just have to wait for my Filipino readers and see what they think.

So now I’ve managed to create an illusion of a decent-looking site with the little knowledge I have of HTML. I hope with time that I would learn more.

At the moment, I’m feeling pretty happy about the things that I’ve created. Website building is a project that’s really rewarding in a sense that you see what you’ve done and feel good about it. I admit my being meticulous has caused me my own little headaches. But those are headaches worth having.

I hope that as much fun as I had with creating my website, you guys will have fun exploring it—the stories and poetry, and in the future, maybe more.